We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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