He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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