I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
