Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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