I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
