I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
