he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
