it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
