God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
