im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
