We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
