She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
