I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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