Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
