I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
