does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
