I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
