the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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