so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
