Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
