can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
