Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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