Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
