What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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