So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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