Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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