apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
