You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
