fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
