he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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