NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
