I CAN MOONWALK!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
