ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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