You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
