Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
