Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
