my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
