those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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