Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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