I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
