So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
