i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
