So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
