i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
