i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Houston, we have a squirter
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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