My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
