At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
