Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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