if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
