Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
