Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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