...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
