I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
