is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
