If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Who died my cat blue again?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
