It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
