I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
