dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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